the rescuer

in theory, rescuing someone sounds like the right thing to do. you save them, you help them, you are their hero. who wouldn't want that?

well there is another type of rescuing, the "oh you forgot to make your bed, i'll make it for you" "oh you forgot your wallet AGAIN, i'll pay for it, it is only..." "oh you forgot to bring your homework to school, i'll bring it in and talk to the teacher"

most of these situations on their own are just fine. and everyone needs help once and awhile. how do you know when you are crossing the line? well let me say that i am already paying close attention to my actions to try to not become this. 

i will not name names but i did have a sister living with me, and it was really hard not to be her safety net. and i probably was more than i should have. not only did it stress me out because i was always worried about her deadlines, etc. but it actually HARMED her more than helped. most lessons have to be learned through experiences and i just wanted her to learn through my advice. it is hard to look at it though because i was only trying to help. if i didn't care she would have missed her deadline. if she missed her deadline then... well i guess she would have bought a planner! really the intent is protecting loved ones from undesirable outcomes. but the immediate outcome does not always match the long term desired outcome (and i would say rarely do they match).

it becomes a vicious cycle (see article here) the rescuer enables the addict or the Big Baby (or in my case the little sister) but the Big Baby enables the rescuer by continually throwing the 'i need to be rescued' situations out right in front of the rescuer, tempting to help them just one more time. everyone knows at least one person like this, and if you don't pay attention cause you really do.

what can you do about it? well i leave that up to you. for me it is recognizing the rescuing and enabling qualities in my own words and actions and trying to just be a good person. i know it is a life long goal. but hopefully i will be able to apply these experiences to motherhood and that i will not be a 'rescuer' to my children, cause the last thing i need is a Big Baby! (if you read the article that is funny, at least i did).