saying no

Sometimes when we are taught (or teach) to be kind and helpful, we learn to do things for others even when it might not be something we really want to do. Most of the time this sacrifice is an admirable quality. It is about giving, charity, love, kindness, selflessness, etc. But when is it not a good thing?

I actually many times will not ask for the help of others because I do not want to make people feel obligated for this very reason, many people say yes all the time, even if they don't want to or should say no. I see others around me who say 'yes' to placate, to rescue or because they are so in the habit they just don't know how to say 'no.' 

My point is that saying 'no' to a play date, a birthday party, a babysitting gig or a bake sale is OKAY. Sometimes saying NO preserves yourself and makes the times you say YES more meaningful. This is where that whole ability to choose comes into play. You can choose to commit to less. Less quantity, more quality.

A big reason that holds us back is, "What is my excuse...what is my reason for saying 'no'...what will I tell them?" We play through the scenario, "What will I say...how will they respond...what will they think of me? Well guess what: you don't have to give them a reason, you can say: That doesn't work for me!!! (as heard on Oprah). 

Be kind, be charitable and help others but don't forget to give yourself a space on your priority list. Commit to things you can do, remember the people that mean the most and remember it is OKAY to say, 'no' once and awhile. Everyone will live and they won't hate your guts forever.