I always wanted to be a mom, it was just part of my mind set. I loved kids, I worked with kids, took care of kids and couldn't wait to have my own little ones.
Well finally the day arrived for my own little one. I was so nervous but so ready. I had read, prepared and practiced and I just didn't want to make one mistake. When I held my sweet baby boy, I just couldn't believe that he was actually mine. I didn't have to pass a parenting test, I just got to have this little baby. I was his mother.
This year has been so hard but so wonderful. It is true that Isaac was an amazing baby, with a great temperament but he was still a baby and needed me all the time. While I can't take credit for it all, I do attribute some of his wonderful-ness to my warm, and responsive parenting. He was held a lot. When he cried, I loved him. When he needed something, I was there to help him.
Now that he is entering toddlerhood, he is every bit as wonderful, just not so small. We snuggle, read, sing, play, walk, run, clean, cook, throw, explore, nap, talk and everything in between. I still love and hold him, dry his tears and help him. But he is changing, and what he needs from me is changing. He likes me to hold him, but he also needs me to let him walk, explore and learn to be independent. I am there to console him, but he also needs me to tell him that he is ok, and to help him brush off and move on. I am there to help him when he needs me but he also needs me to teach him how to help himself. He is becoming able, which is a wonderful thing. He is becoming aware of what he wants, and is telling me or trying to tell me what he wants to do, play with or eat. Which is great, unless of course it is something he shouldn't do, play with or eat, then we have some teaching moments. :)
Overall, I try not to be a hovering, worry-wart. I try to shower him with love and give him room to grow. I really try hard and parent very purposefully. I am constantly aware of what he is doing, but many times I have the choice to let him fall or catch him and I choose to let him fall. Not because I want to see him hurt, but because I have already evaluated the situation and want to see him learn about his own physical abilities and how much he can do on his own.
I love being a mother, and I love my little boy more than I could ever explain. When he runs with his arms wide and a smile on his face just for me, my heart fills with joy and I am reminded that this is the best gift.
Though Isaac will never even remember all the moments that we spend together, especially at this young age, I know that the time we spend together is helping him to become the amazing little person he will be, and helping me to become a better person and mother.
To my mother, I know the moments you spent with me were numerous, the moments you thought of me were countless, and I hope you feel that everything you did was worth it, cause I am grateful for your sacrifice to be my mother.
And to my husband, having a great husband helps be to be a great wife, and Isaac's wonderful father helps me to be a wonderful mother.
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